People Named Michael pt 3

By: Derek Spencer

Do you do drugs? Are you transgressive? Are you blasé about your transgressiveness? Do you have daddy issues? Are you into lo-fi? Do you like samples? Do your daddy issues cause you to make lo-fi renditions of your dad’s favorite bands? Do you own a bell set? Do you use overdrive and eq plugins to make things sound more lo-fi than they actually are? Have you ever mic’d up an electric guitar not plugged into an amp? Are you so blasé that you sit in your dorm shower and look upward expectantly? Are you so blasé that you use a picture of you sitting in a dorm shower and looking upward expectantly as your album art for a very blasé collection of songs? Do you use samples? Are you infatuated with the melancholy side of mundanity? Do you think smoking weed helps you write good songs? Do you use samples in your lo-fi indie rock? Do you try to demonstrate the puttering pace of your post-adolescent life by setting the bpm of each track to “cough syrup”? Do you break the law? Is your stand-out track called “Lonely Walks in Tangier”? Is it about walking with a person who quotes Faulkner? Are you too blasé to recall said Faulkner quote? Do you live in a literal swamp? Are you indebted to existential philosophy and contemporary cinema in ways that you have yet to discover? Are you ultimately trying to be Bob Dylan by doing only things Bob Dylan wouldn’t do? Are you alone when you’re around other people, even your dear uncle Jesse? Do you believe that pain in the world is only kind of bad, and sometimes you even think that pain in the world is a good thing? Do you sometimes try to emulate pain in your art by making the listener suffer? Have you taken acid to try and make an important decision? Have you played basketball for longer than you planned to because it’s what your friends did but then you started to enjoy it and now you still sometimes play basketball casually? Do people tell you that you mutter? Do you think you’re slightly funnier than people give you credit for, which is to say you think your sorta funny and other people think you’re only kinda funny? Have you ever made a meme? Have you ever pronounced “meme” as “me-me” as a joke? Did you ever imagine that playing ukulele would lead to you having more sex than if you didn’t play ukulele? Did you get a cell phone slightly later than your peers? Did it affect you? Did the pond run out of water? Muddle into decay? Did the kitten purr? Did the mermaid slurr? Do you know the way out? Do you know the way out? Does the moon beckon? Did you write a song about it? Did you write a song about writing a song about the moon beckoning? Will you someday read this series of questions to a group of people as an act of self-indulgent performance art about mediated art and the interesting yet futile role criticism plays in the digital world? Will it be good? Have you ever listened to your own album in full? Did you like it? Did you wonder if you’d be the only person to ever listen to all of the songs in order and give each one their full attention, the way you meant them to? Did you imagine that maybe 100 people might do this? 1,000? Did it make you feel good and sick? Did it make you want to record another album? Did it make you feel okay eventually? Did it hurt? Did you forget that pain is good? Are you scared? Are you scared? Are you scared? Did you write an album before called Die Until Ur Not Alive Anymore?  Did it get reviewed here, 2 weeks ago? Are you great? Are you a prime example of a Michael? Are you my favorite Michael?

 

If the answer to all of these questions is yes, then you are Michael Byrne, aka Dirty Mike, aka the genius Michael behind Latin is Latin for Latin. Congrats!

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People Named Michael pt. 2

By: Derek Spencer

Michael Holloway

I recognize that you asked for a review nearly one year ago upon release of your band’s ep Pine EP. Understandably, press on your album would have been much appreciated last year! Hopefully we can get you that press bump you deserve though, eh?

The band is Hodari, everyone. While the band has 5 members, it looks like our friend Michael (or “Mike” as he goes by in the scene) is the guitar player! As such, I think it’s only appropriate that we talk exclusively about the guitars on this 3-song collection.

Let’s start with tone. You’re rocking this throwback post-hardcore sound—scooped out distortion, doubled tracks, slight feedback, chunky leads, and abrasively clean chordal interludes. This is a tone I can get behind, but it can be limiting. Mike, I’m sure Hodari isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel on Pine, but let’s try to be a little forward thinking, eh? Why would I listen to your 2007 guitar tone when I could just listen to some good old 2007 bands? How are you translating this sound for today’s audience? How do you expect people to hear your ideas when they can’t get past your form? These are the critical questions you need to be asking yourself when pouring over your pedalboard.

Just for fun, I’m going to take an oddly specific guess at your guitar rig: Ibanez RGA—>PedalTrain mini pedal board with the following chain: TC Tuner, Boss Distortion, Big Muff fuzz, MXR Dynamic Compression—->Orange Crush 2×12 Guitar combo. If I got *any* of these right, please let me know. I’m worried I might be overestimating your budget.

Anyways, let’s move on to your parts. Good job writing them! There are a lot of octave leads… maybe you could try mixing it up a bit? I’m pictures bossa nova-esque clean, chromatic, staccato solos—does that resonate with you at all? Well, you didn’t fuck up, that’s for sure! All the guitar parts make me say “This sounds like the guitar part of a post-hardcore song” so nice.

Okay, but the mix is where it turns south man… Let me ask you, Mike: are you a timid guy? Because I’m going to be honest, you’re getting stepped on. You think fans are coming out too see some guy in skinny jeans scream over a 4/4 rock beats? Heeeeell no. You think fans are going to buy your CD or tape or whatever if they can’t hear you wailing away on your octive leads? You gotta crank that Orange combo of yours! Rock music is about guitar. If I don’t hear guitar above EVERYTHING ELSE, well, I’d barely call that music.

If you ask me, your vocalist has an ego problem. Between you and me, screamed vocals are there for texture; they’re supplemental at best. You should be front and center, Mike. I think your vocalist needs to get checked out. And I don’t mean like for his health and I don’t mean like someone needs to look him up and down sexy-like. I mean he needs a psych eval stat because he’s suffering from a case of type II narcissism, my friend.

Nice guitars! Thanks for submitting, Mike!

Maus

Okay, so you aren’t technically a Michael. But your band showed up in my filtered search for Michael’s because you gave an extensive list of influences that included Michael Jackson so you’re gettin’ god damn reviewed. Your band is called Amanda Named Sound and considering your name is neither “Amanda” nor “Sound” but in fact “Maus”, that makes me feel not great right off the bat.

Your first song is called “Droid Dance” or something and shit does it sound nothing like Michael Jackson. I mean other than the fact that there is a vocalist singing in key. And I guess there’s like a synth somewhere deep in the mix that sounds vaguely 80’s.

Let’s take a step back. In the first sentence of your email, you clarify that “in fact I am an actual musician”. Spoken like a true Michael! To this, I say thanks for the heads up! We will take that into consideration!

The last sentence of your email reads “Their masterplan is to engage the world in an audiovisual conversation and take over the galaxy.” (bold theirs, not mine). This is a leap! In fact, I am worried! This isn’t the pseudo-fascist language of neofolk (“facism is bad, but it’s really really interesting”) nor is your band weird enough for this to be a joke in the spirit of Gwar.

Fuck sorry I don’t want to do this. I was going to riff on your email for a bit and then tell you a few nice things about your music cause your music is kinda nice. But I’m tired and doing that will require me to actually read and edit what I’ve written so far and I don’t want to do that and also you aren’t even a Michael so I’m not sure you really deserve a full review so instead I’m just going to copy and past your email here and also a bunch of your social media posts since you linked me to like 7 different social media platform. Sorry.

Hello, this is Maus, producer for Armada Named Sound (in fact I am an actual musician). 

I am sending you our electronic music ep called : ”Starchildren”. We hope that you enjoy this, and please let us know if 

a review is going to be online. This is the press release, including all the info you might need, the streaming link and our official videoclip.

Cheers!!!

ARMADA NAMED SOUND 

proudly presents:

Debut EP “Starchildren”

Online streaming link:  https://soundcloud.com/armadanamedsound/sets/starchildren

released on iTunes:https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/starchildren-ep/id98198683

(official release date 31/3/2015)

TRACKLIST:

  1. Afterdrive
  2. Fixation
  3. Droid Dance
  4. Blindvei

 

Official videoclip for “Fixation”, taken from the “Starchildren” EP: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCDHhhDEtuQ

—————————–

Armada Named Sound is an electronic music band consisting of Maus and Andromeda S.

An organized retrofuture sonic attack, based in London.

Sounds and textures combined to produce songs and tunes varying from electronica and synthpop to trance/techno and trip hop.

With innovation, originality and diversity in mind, the use of synths, beats, loops and human voices brings forth sonic creations and soundscapes

with the sole purpose to intrigue you, make you dance, laugh or cry. Songs produced in several places and moments in the space time continuum.

Their music influences vary from Michael Jackson, Prince, Madonna, Grimes, Gwen Stefani to Bjork, Massive Attack, Portishead, as well as classical and rock

music. All these sounds are filtered through their everyday life experience and interaction with other people, abstract thoughts and ideas, and their inner self.

Their masterplan is to engage the world in an audiovisual conversation and take over the galaxy.

OFFICAL WEBSITE: http://www.armadanamedsound.com

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/armadanamedsound

SOUNDCLOUD: https://soundcloud.com/armadanamedsound

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfFURVALERhmE6i3tKi9UQA

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/armada_baby

VIMEO: https://vimeo.com/armadanamedsound

Armada Named Sound

January 20 ·

New song coming up: “NY”
No relation to concrete jungles where dreams are made of…
wink emoticon

Armada Named Sound with Spiros Maus andAndromeda Sfakianoy.

January 18 ·

Last night’s show on BBC, featuring “White keys and black silk”!
Have a listen here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03fczr7


Armada Named Sound
 with Spiros Maus andAndromeda Sfakianoy.

January 17 ·

“White keys and black silk” on BBC tonight!
Armada baby…
BBC Introducing ‪#‎BBCintroducing

Armada Named Sound

January 15 ·

All things electronic:
www.armadanamedsound.com
Armada Named Sound
 updated their cover photo.

January 4 · 
Armada Named Sound
 with Spiros Maus andAndromeda Sfakianoy at Αστικά Στούντιο Ηχοληψίας – Urban Recording Studios.

December 30, 2015 · Athens, Greece ·

“Crush” live in the studio
‪#‎live ‪#‎studio
shot by Valia Fotiou Photography
edited/manipulated by Maus
Armada Named Sound
 with Spiros Maus andAndromeda Sfakianoy.

December 29, 2015 ·

“Electronica wizards Armada Named Sound come out with their audio guns blazing, on their retrofuture sonic attack, Starchildren.”
http://www.crossradar.com/armada-named-sound-starchildren/
Chris@CrossRadar
https://soundcloud.com/armadanamedsound/sets/starchildren

Armada Named Sound Retweeted

DJ AATISSH~आतिश~آتش ‏@AAtisshDotCom  Jan 18Los Angeles, CA

@armada_baby Nice

Armada Named Sound ‏@armada_baby  Jan 15

Hey guys! Have a nice day .. This is our website Take a look Take a listen http://www.armadanamedsound.com 


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Ivanna terrys ‏@IvannaTerrys  22 Dec 2015

Sponsored: Armada Named Sound – Fixation @armada_baby https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCDHhhDEtuQ … #dem #electronic

 

 

People Named Michael

By: Derek Spencer

There’s a lot of god damn people named Michael in this world, and it feels like half of them have requested I review their god damn music. This post is for a bunch of you musicians named god damn Michael.

Michael Sterns

Hello Michael Sterns (or “Mike”, as you call yourself on your bandcamp page). I appreciate your honesty here Mike. There are a lot of people making music alone in their dorm rooms these days. It takes grit to fess up. You could have left that to my imagination, Mike, leaving me to imagine you as a solo artist with his own studio band. But you’re an honest guy, Mike, a real stand up guy.

You’re also a precise guy. Like on that song, when you sing “when I was 22/and you were 19”. Those aren’t round numbers, Mike. Those are specific numbers, and I appreciate that attention to detail. Mike, you’d be surprised how rare attention to detail is these days. Trust me, I know.

Anyways, I like your shit, Mike. You have gumption. You have real pizzaz. You pull back and push forward. Dynamics! You got em. Tone! You think about it. Real high quality stuff here Mike. You got the whole singer-songwriter thing down. I mean, sometimes I wish you were saying different words, but cringe-inducing earnestness is part of the indie game, isn’t it?

Biggest negative here has got to be these sound effects. Man. If I knew how to make memes I would do one where Bernie Sanders likes spoken word interludes and Hilary thinks it’s a good idea to put lightning sounds and alarm clocks in your tracks.

You know, you’re doing yourself a disservice by calling this album Collegiate Daydreams. That name makes me think your too young for this to be good. And maybe you are young, and maybe this isn’t good in the professional and/or critical sense, like maybe you can’t make money doing this, or like maybe you could have made money doing this but only if you had a time machine to go back and release the music years ago. But, point is, you don’t sound like a Collegiate Daydreamer, Mike. You sound like maybe a twenty-something go-getter. Or like at least, like, a graduate underachiever. You get what I’m saying, right Mike? Of course you do.

Michael Blackmond

Michael fucking Blackmond. You record under the name Dora the Destroyer, but you’re a Michael, through and through. It’s in your music. Don’t hide from that.

Anyways, Michael, I gotta hand it to you. You and Mike up there are repping the Michael crew well with your honestly. Glad to know Michaels like you are out there ready to disclose the fact that you recorded all of your prog metal songs in your living room. Thanks!

I like when you get all metal with it. The thumpity thump suits you, Michael. Sometimes, though, you get all leggity-leggi-wah with your metal, and it kinda feels like I’m playing Sonic the Hedgehog. In fact, did you score any Sonic the Hedgehog games? According to this list, you didn’t, but maybe you have an alias?

Anyways, I imagine that the word you’d like people to describe your music with is “soaring”. and I’ll give you that, Michael, sometimes this music soars. But sometimes it putters, too. Sometimes, I’m not really sure what to think. You got these Joe Satriani vibes that really take me out of my Sonic space, you know what I mean? I think you do. Oh and the synths! Really not working for me, Michael. Gotta say.

End of the day, I could see this being fuck-wit-able. I don’t think anyone will ever fuck to this music, but that’s a whole different question. Thanks Michael!

Michael Byrne!

Michael Byrne! Sausage suit in a Sam Adams! Your email says (not making this up, readers) that you go by Dirty Mike, and I think that’s god damn swell. I like how your friend is named Uncle Jesse too. The album here, folks, is Die Until Ur Not Alive Anymore… by The Raspberry Keystones.

Dirty Mike, it says in your email that you aren’t really sure what genre your music is. I think that’s a good question! It’s a little bit puzzling to me too, if I’m being totally honest. Let me say this, your music sounds like strung out teenagers rapping over Animal Collective‘s Campfire Songs. But with surprising wit (at times!)! I think we are permitted to call this “experimental”. Does that work for you?

Anyways, Dirty Mike, y’all got some promise here! Sure, we’re missing some vital production elements that might be necessary to qualify this as listenable music to the majority of the population, but what they’ll call “stupid shit” I call a “niche product”.

Middle track “Above Ground Places” stands out to me as the most captivating composition. It’s like your version of a banger.

The covers are a bit baffling, both in choice and style, but that’s okay! This EP seems like a great place for ol’ Dirty Mike and Uncle Jesse to stretch their wings and figure out what works. In this humble reviewers opinion, covering “Sleepwalker” might not be your strong suit. But now we know!

Past and Future Michaels

There are quite a few Michaels I didn’t get to here. But don’t worry! I will endeavor to review all people named Michael before anyone else gets reviewed.

ALBUM REVIEW: You Are The Song That Humanized Me by Fader

By: Derek Spencer

I really don’t want to review this album. I’ve listened to 4 tracks and I just can’t summon the impetus. At least not yet. I’d like to start with some procrastination. Here is the submission email I received (with annotation) prompting the review of Fader’s 2013 release You are the Song that Humanized Me:

“Hi again, no problem about the donation, I like supporting independent art.[like the last 8 or so reviews published here, this submission has jumped the line by donating to my crowdfunder. This makes saying rude/mean/absurd/bad things about music harder, except not really because if they read my blog before donating then they should probably know what to expect. I mean, just read the manifesto] And now I get an album review; what a joy. Here is the original email I sent:
———————

Hello. I recorded a full-length album of various styles/genres [boldfaced lie. this is one genre. Each song is unmistakably like the rest. Do not tell people this.] nearly two years ago [adding distance pt 1: I feel even less bad about saying bad things] and uploaded it to Bandcamp. It seems, from your blog, that you review anything that is sent to you. I would be very honored if you reviewed my album. [unnecessary flatter pt 1: I feel a little more bad about saying bad things]

Some background:
I recorded it when I was 16. [adding distance pt 2: I once again feel even less bad about saying bad things]
Every percussion sound on the album is from a chopped-up recording of me slapping objects in my bedroom. [this will only work if you’re really good]
The synthesizers were recorded by me mic-ing up a Casio keyboard, and putting effects on it. [fuck, you’re not really good, are you?]
The only program used was Garageband. [whelp]
I play every instrument on the album.  [naturally]
If you decide to review my album, you have my thanks, and the amusement of the hundred or so people who have listened to it[adding distance pt 3: the ol’ “is-it-a-self-deprecating-joke-or-a-humble-brag-?-?-?”] ! I have nothing to be ashamed of at this point [adding distance pt 4: okay man I don’t even really feel obligated to listen to the music anymore], so feel free to rip it apart in the dignified fashion you have for past submissions [look pal, there is absolutely nothing dignified about this blog. This whole thing is degrading for everyone involved], if you feel so inclined.
It is located on this Bandcamp page:
https://eliotguerin.bandcamp.com/album/you-are-the-song-that-humanized-me [well now that you got me all rilled up I feel like I gotta listen]
Regards,
Eliot Guerin”
This album is uncomfortable to listen to. My ears recoil into the safe shell of my skull as they fall under fire from a recently post-pubescent adolescent emulation of what I can only imagine are a father’s favorite folk-rock singers. Broken similes are burned into my mind: “like superheroes laying in the hay”; “like a vasectomy of the mind”.  Occasionally, listeners are treated to a noteworthy progression or compositional choice, only to have that choice ruined by forced rhymes and awkward delivery. The organic percussion is not good. Due to some deranged tag-team effect, any given moment wherein the listener can drown out the percussion is briskly filled by the sounds of a new producer discovering stock plug-ins for the first time. Grave Digger is probably the best track.
——————————-
I wrote everything above the line a month ago [adding distance pt. 5?] and then I moved to California and didn’t follow through with my internet promises as quickly as I would have liked to. Sorry. I am not going to edit what I wrote above but I listened to the album again and it’s really not as bad as I said it was. I was probably in a bad mood. I mean I’m not gonna bump this album all the time but the precussive elements are sometimes interesting in a “this-percussion-doesn’t-sound-like-a-palette-I’m-used-to-hearing-often” kind of way. You’re probably not a bad guy. Being a good piano player is a lost art and I respect that you are lost. Peace.

VIDEO REVIEW: Tony Alone ruins Grand Pantrymen Battle of the Boroughs

By: Derek Spencer

The success of reality TV depends on the existence of a certain human desire, unreachable by staged theatricality. Grit; human connection; awkwardness and imperfection; genuine call and response: the drama we sometimes seek can only be created in the midst of the utterly anti-theatrical. One need only look at contemporary Nielsen Ratings to understand the weight of these universally niche desires.

Enter Tony Alone: drummer for the Grand Pantrymen, fledgling pop singer, and Bronx stereotype. Watch him mindlessly trudge his way through the first song of this high-profile set. Watch him light up as a stroke of ingenuity fills his mind. Watch him rise from his throne, banish his bandmates, and assume sole control of the stage. Watch him generate genuine unscripted human drama. Watch him impart metaphorical knowledge  unto a dogmatically slumbering audience. Watch him in awe.

Wow. Tony Alone is a brave artist, unflinching in the face of enlightened performance. In no way engaging in an amateur, faux-anti-authoritarian, pre-meditated,hostilely uncomfortable, ironic-in-all-the-wrong-ways stunt, Mr. Alone manages to grip the audience with a daring feat of improvisational art-making.

Tony Alone: vanquisher the Grant Pantrymen, flawless entrepreneur of experiential art, and, in my mind, winner of the Battle of the Boroughs. Thank you.

Little Gift by Sebastian and the Deep Blue

By: Derek Spencer

“We are two abysses — a well staring at the sky.”
Fernando Pessoa

To describe the room you are in, such that the listener can never exit.  To create a sustained continuum.  To accentuate the looming presence of echo and shadow.

 
 
Never have I seen such jubilance  at the prospect of universal stagnation.  The happy frustration, the celebration of the loss of nothing, a party commending the end of the work day.

ALBUM REVIEW: Demo by Max + Eyeda

There are 3 songs on this demo. My favorite song is Rani. My least favorite song is the first song where the word Tiki Beach gets said a lot (at first I thought they were saying “Tiki Bitch”, not sure if that was better or worse). I’m (also) not sure what #neo-soul is but I guess this is it.

Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach Tiki Beach

Struggling with the unforseen demands of the digital age, Max + Eyeda have combated issues of genre, lineup, and branding throughout their existence. Formulating first as a trio called the Mizfit Collective, Max + Eyeda have ousted their better (lesser?) third.  It is unclear to me which parts of the music were crafted by this mysterious third member (all we know about them is that they are likely not named Max or Eyeda), but one can only hope that the lady rapper appearing on the second and third tracks of the album is either Max or Eyeda.

Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around Turnaround turn around

Repetition seems to be a selling point for the Mizfit Collective Max + Eyeda, or at least a focus point.  Perhaps an unconscious point, even, or not even really a point, but rather a truth, an inescapable necessity– fate, predetermined outcome, the only way they know how.  An a priori rule.

ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway ur driveway

This band ought to release a split with Brandon Spaulding of Island Man fame. Their aesthetics are both island-based.  They both know me. It seems like a good fit.  Who knows, maybe Brandon can even complete the Mizfit Collective once more.
———-
Do I recommend this album? Do I think it’s good? I don’t answer those questions. But it’s a demo, so I suppose it does what it should do: put light amounts of stress on the artists to see if they work well together (2 of them do at least), test out different sounds to see which seem like something someone would listen to (2/3 of the songs pass this test), and give the musicians something to ruminate on as they prepare to start taking their own work more seriously (and in this regard, they have my support, as worthless as my opinion may seem).

If Pitchfork Reviewed This Album I Insincerely Think That They Would Give It A: 5.9